she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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