I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
