i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
