You're completely useless in the revolution.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
