dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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