we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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