I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
