you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
