He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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