Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
