Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
