I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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