C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
