I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
