I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
