What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize