woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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