you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
