Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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