So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
