Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize