You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
