kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
