Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
