I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
