Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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