Already got asked if we're dating
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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