come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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