what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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