Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
