Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
