I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
