I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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