thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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