we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
