He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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