I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
