The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
