Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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