You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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