WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
