I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
