I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
