i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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