you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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