you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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