My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
