I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
