We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
