he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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