It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
