He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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