If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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