It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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