I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
