My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
