A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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