I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
