there was a trapeze. enough said
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
pray to the hookup gods
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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