I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
