Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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