yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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