sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
