I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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