FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
