did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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