I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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