so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize