I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
