dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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