I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I did not marry a roomba.
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