i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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