new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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