and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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