I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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