Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
