he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
