i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
