no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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