haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
