we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
