I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
