Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
