I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she peed on how many people?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
