I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
