She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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