Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
