My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I lost the right to judge tonight
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
