Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
