I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I want to fling myself into the sun
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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