I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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