i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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