we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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