these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
