I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
