Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize